The question everyone wants to know is, “How far is too far?” But remember I said that when you ask, “How far is too far?” you treat sex as a game. How far can I go? If I know that I can’t score, what else can I do?” Let me go beyond the message and talk about more about “the line” and boundaries.
My encouragement to you is that you run away from “the line” question and you establish your boundaries now! This is too important to wait on – even if you’re not dating yet. But you’ve got to do this before you’re tempted to be making out. Do this before you’re rolling around on the carpet getting carpet burns and the TV has gone into some infomercial that you’re not paying attention to anymore. That is not the time to be setting your standards or boundaries. So, let me give you a few common sense principles as you’re trying to figure out what to verbalize as far as boundaries.
1. The further you go, the faster you go. Every time you cross that physical line your sense of satisfaction and fulfillment go down a lot quicker. It might take you months to go across your first line but it won’t take you as long to go to the next one because you’re not going to be as satisfied.
2. The further you go, the further you want to go. Drawing the line mentally does nothing to stop that physical desire. God made you to go all the way. So just because you draw the line mentally, if you don’t say anything and you don’t draw a physical line, then it won’t stop anything.
3. The further you go, the more difficult it is to go back. God didn’t design us to go backwards. He designed us to go forward sexually. It is almost impossible to permanently retreat to safety once certain lines have been crossed.
4. Where you draw the line determines your next temptation and the intensity of your next temptation. Temptation increases as passion increases. So assuming that you will be tempted to do more than you want to do, how intense do you want that temptation to be?
5. Where you draw the line determines the consequences of giving in to that temptation. So let’s say you drew the line at just holding hands. One night you went on a romantic date to Waffle House and you got a little carried away afterwards standing at the car and you actually kissed. So what are the consequences? Maybe a touch of guilt. Or worst case scenario, someone gets strep throat. But let’s say you draw the line at the edge of intercourse. You happen to give in to that temptation. Your consequences are much greater and bigger than strep throat. Make sense? Just some common sense principles.
The world so desperately wants you to believe that you are defined by who you date and how far you go. But God defines you in another way. He defines you with three words – you are chosen, you are holy, and you are loved. God has picked you. He has chosen you. He has accepted you. He has approved you. He has made you significant and called you out to be separate – to be holy. He values you, so you must find your value in Him. Some of you have spent your entire life wanting someone to pick you. Some of you are going way too far in a relationship because you want someone to value you. You have intrinsic value from God. And He loves you! So set good boundaries and pursue intimacy with Him!