Every day so far has presented a challenge and a choice. How will I spend my day? What will I invest in today? Not that those questions don’t matter every day, in fact, so much of this journey so far has really revealed how closely my identity has been tied to my ministry. Waking up and wondering, “What will I do today?” has been a bit unsettling.
In some ways, connecting with the Lord without my daily routine has been difficult. I always knew I was a creature of habit, but probably not to this degree. In the absence of a “schedule” the battle ensues… the battle of choice. The challenge to stay connected or to abide (as John’s Gospel would say) is always a difficult one. But doesn’t that seem counter-intuitive? Abiding/resting is challenging… it does take work. But to start, it takes a choice.
One of the more difficult pieces to this process of abiding/connecting with the Lord is surrendering my desires and confessing my failed attempts. It plagues me that I often choice leisure over the Lord and fail the challenge of connection by succumbing to the giant of distraction. But when I make time for Him, He is so faithful to supply more than my every need. He truly does fill the cup to overflowing. Unhurried time with Him is more than a gift… it is life.
And then the gift of unhurried time with my family has truly been amazing. Even though today consisted of mopping, vacuuming and picking up toys, I’m treasuring my time at home. Most of my time with Brooke has been doing whatever I can around the house so that she can recover and heal. The time with my boys has been filled with football, food, laughter, tears, stories and outside fun. We’ve even had the opportunity to spend time with extended family.
This sabbatical is proving that every day there’s a challenge and I have a choice… which is really true of every day – sabbatical or not. I want to choose to reject the lesser, so Christ can fill me with the greater – Himself. Now that is a superb exchange.